KoolitzBlog #6 – Grudge towards a Father
Hello neighbors,
Holding grudges and not forgiving someone is a thing that comes naturally to us especially if we are full of hate and anger in our heart. I know nobody is perfect. Because even I have done some wrongdoings in the past, it is either family, friends or just a stranger.
I have a friend who is not treated well by her father, she can even remember every tiny details of how her father mistreated her.
She grew up thinking that her father beats her because he doesn’t love her, I don’t blame her, but in my opinion, pain is part of our life that would help us recognize from right and wrong and hatred towards that person will not do any good to her health.
Every time we have had a conversation if that particular topic is related to abuse, she immediately narrates her hurtful story.
I asked her “Are you not tired remembering all these?” and she replied “I don’t hate him, but I always remember what he did to me”
In the way of life, it speaks about two elements of forgiveness:
a) God’s forgiveness;
b) Human forgiveness. We need both, because we do wrong in our relations to God as well as in our relations to each other.
We should learn to forgive the person who wronged us and always remember to forgive yourself as well.
I know it is easy said than done. If you can’t forgive someone, how can a person that you have hurt forgive you?
Forgiveness is the key to freedom. I do not know with you but there is a joy in forgiveness.
I share this short story for us to be reminded that:
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Your story about forgiveness hit home for me. I was abused (S…..) by my stepfather. I forgave him, but it something you do not ever forget. It has a tendency to mess with your head. It explains why I am an Alcoholic. I do not drink anywhere near like I used to drink and I thank God for that. Thank you for your write up. Please feel free to visit my blog. No one ever leaves me a commit, if you visit please let me know what you think. I would appreciate it. Again, thanks.
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Hi Meme, I did gave some love in your blog so just be happy ❤
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Thanks for this, I have always held grudges against people who have ‘wronged’ me in hurtful ways from the age of 7 (I’m now 46!!).
I tried forgiving and even though I was able to understand why some people do hurtful things, I couldn’t seem to shake off the negative feelings I had towards said people.
It really dragged me down and I thought less of myself for it, however, I have talked to God about it and it has helped a lot. Reading that quote really helped too, thank you.
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Hi Rachel, you are not alone, we all have our own struggles in life, all we need to to hang on and pray to God for us to be strong everyday. Inspiration is everywhere and I am glad my posts did. Thank you for stopping by ❤
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I read something this morning from Confuscious, “When you set out on the road to seek revenge dig two graves first”. A very graphic reminder of how non forgiveness hurts the injured person most of all.
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Hello there… I nominated you for an award! If you like, you can accept it by clicking the link below:
https://mypatatasheart.wordpress.com/2015/08/31/another-liebster-award-nomination/
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Thank you Reiva, it is my pleasure to be nominated 🙂
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I feel for ya! I researched about the subject a lot myself through out my life, and what I found was, that forgiveness means to for-give, which means to let-go. Doesn’t mean that we agree nor support the wrong doing of others, but to not let it affect us anymore. And is not meaning we let others to stay in our lives if their behavior doesn’t change specially if is dangerous to our safety and/or well being. As for your friend, by what you describe, there is a very high chance that she is suffering from PTSD. A real condition that is triggered by many traumatic events, including growing up in an abusive household. Studies have shown different brain wiring, causing behaviors such as the one you described. Is not easy to understand if someone didn’t grow up in such environment nor circumstances. There are many studies about it, and changes are, your friend will have episodes like that every time something triggers her. Could be anything, specially a conversation. Meditation, Reiki and some forms of behavioral therapies is what is recommended for situations like hers. For friends and family, or her surrounding support system, all that is left to do, is lots of compassion, patience and love. Blessing to you and your friend Koolitzable! keep up the good work! 🙂
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Thank you Audrey, I am so so glad that a blogger like you in WP can give such an inspiration message to a stranger like me..God bless you…and keep up the good work too 🙂
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Great post. I think we all have to always remember that we will never have walked in someone else’s shoes and that an integral part of forgiveness is allowing ourselves to first feel the pain, fear, and anger. Only after going through those feelings can you find forgiveness. That’s why forgiveness feels like a weight has been lifted because it is actually lifting away all of the old pain, fear and anger that you already processed away. I hope that makes sense.
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Yes, absolutely right 🙂
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I can’t agree more. It is easy to hold a grudge, but it’s also tiring to do that. Learning to forgive is very difficult. It’s easy just to say “I forgive you”, but is that really true deep down inside? Once one learns to truly forgive, a big weight is lifted off their shoulders.
Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you Peggy..I will keep that in mind 🙂
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Forgiveness starts within. Let your friend engage in doing something she loves and finds passion in. Hurt memories never really leave they just fade away and get replaced with better memories. May I suggest guiding your conversations to something creative and uplifting. Gratitude talks are highly recommended.
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Thank you Nikki, sometimes we forget to do what is right when we are with our loved ones..I am grateful for this advise 🙂
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It is hard to forgive those who have wronged you, but once you do a burden is lifted. I forgave someone through the use of pray and I felt peace.
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Thank you Wren, your feedback would help me advise her 🙂
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Well like they say, holding onto a grudge is like allowing someone to live in your head rent free!
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Thank you Rashmi, I will definitely tell her your feedback 🙂
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Brilliant!
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Thank you Diane 🙂
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I can relate and understand your friend. It is really easier said than done especially for those who are abused but it can be done. I guess she really needs help but sharing ones pain to others who understands really help. I’m glad you are there for your friend. I hope you didn’t get tired of her 🙂 I think she needs time to heal. It’s hard to forget for most of us, I know since I can’t forget but I see it in a positive way. Forgiving is very important for healing. I hope time will come she will be able to forgive to have a happy life. It’s true you can’t be forgiven if you don’t forgive 🙂
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Thank you Shine, your feedback really helps for me to decide how to help her in some way I can 🙂
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You are welcome. 🙂 Maybe you can ask her to watch movies together where the theme is somewhat about forgiveness and give her books about empowerment and happiness if she is interested in reading. Just a suggestion only though. You kmow her more so I’m pretty sure you can help her and being always there for her to listen and understand is help enough. I’m sure she appreciates you. May your friendship continue and grow as you journey through life.
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Thank you Shine, I will do that..:-)
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You are a great friend!
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Wonderful quote, it only hurts us!
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Sad really 😦
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I think this is Buddha also: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Really enjoyed this post.
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Thank you Dr. Meg 🙂
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Very true. Buddha says “holding anger is like holding coal in your hand.”
Anand
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Indeed I am sad for her 😭
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Hugs ❤
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